Sometimes you need more than a friend: when and how to access fertility mental health support
⚠️ Sensitive content: This article discusses pregnancy loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, grief, anxiety, depression, and mental health challenges related to fertility and trying to conceive. Please take care of yourself while reading, and reach out for support if you need it.
We've been there. Sitting with the phone in our hands, staring at a helpline number, wondering if we really needed to call. Questioning whether what we were feeling was "bad enough" to warrant reaching out to a stranger. Worrying that one phone call couldn't possibly help what felt like an insurmountable weight.
We've personally leaned on services like these during some of the hardest moments of our own journeys, and they truly were a lifeline. Sometimes just hearing "you're not alone" from someone who genuinely understands makes all the difference. If you're even thinking about reaching out – that's your sign to do it. And remember, one conversation with a trained specialist can make a profound impact, even when it feels like nothing will help.
The hesitations we all feel
Let's talk about the real barriers that stop so many of us from picking up the phone when we need support most.
"I don't know where to start"
This was us too. The fertility journey comes with so many emotions—grief from pregnancy loss, anxiety about trying to conceive, stress on relationships, depression from repeated disappointment. It can feel overwhelming to even articulate what you're experiencing, let alone know which service to call.
Here's what we learned: you don't need to have it all figured out before you call. The counsellors and support workers who answer these lines are trained to help you work through the fog. You can simply say, "I'm struggling with fertility challenges and I don't know what I need" and they'll help you from there. Their entire role is to meet you exactly where you are.
"I don't feel comfortable sharing this with someone"
Vulnerability is hard. Especially when it comes to something as deeply personal as fertility, pregnancy loss, or the grief of trying to conceive month after month. Many of us were raised to "be strong," to handle things privately, or to protect others from our pain.
But here's the truth we wish someone had told us earlier: these services exist because fertility-related mental health challenges are incredibly common, and they require specialised support. The counsellors on these helplines have heard thousands of stories. They understand the unique pain of miscarriage, the anxiety of IVF cycles, the relationship strain of infertility, and the complex grief that comes with loss. You're not burdening them, you're exactly who they're there for.
"I don't think one phone call is going to help me"
We get it. When you're in the depths of grief, anxiety, or depression, it can feel like nothing could possibly make a difference. One conversation with a stranger? How could that change anything?
Here's what actually happens: that first call isn't about "fixing" everything. It's about being heard. It's about having your experience validated by someone who understands. It's about learning that what you're feeling has a name, that others have felt it too, and that there are specific, evidence-based ways to move through it. Often, that first call leads to referrals for ongoing support, whether that's counselling, peer support groups, or connections to mental health professionals who specialise in perinatal and fertility-related challenges.
One phone call might not solve everything, but it can be the first step toward feeling less alone, and that matters more than you might realise right now.
When your support person might not be enough
Your partner, best friend, or family member loves you and wants to help. But sometimes, even with the best intentions, the people closest to us aren't equipped to provide the kind of support we need during fertility challenges, pregnancy loss, or mental health struggles related to trying to conceive.
This doesn't mean they care any less. It means that grief and loss counselling, perinatal mental health support, and fertility-related anxiety require specialised knowledge and training. Just like you wouldn't ask your friend to diagnose a medical condition, there are times when professional mental health support is what you truly need.
If you've found yourself:
Repeating the same conversation without feeling heard or understood
Holding back because you're worried about burdening your loved ones
Noticing that your support person seems uncomfortable or unsure how to help
Feeling like you need more than reassurance and need tools, strategies, or clinical support
...it might be time to reach out to one of the services below. And if someone you care about is going through this, offering them these numbers, rather than trying to be their sole support. It might be the most helpful thing you can do.
Free mental health support services in Australia
These organisations specialise in fertility, pregnancy, perinatal mental health, and grief and loss support. All services are free, confidential, and staffed by professionals who understand what you're experiencing.
PANDA – Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia
📞 1300 726 306
Monday–Saturday, 9am–7:30pm AEST
PANDA operates Australia's only National Perinatal Mental Health Helpline, providing support for anyone affected by anxiety and depression during pregnancy and in the first year of parenthood. Their counsellors offer a safe, confidential space to talk openly about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. According to research on PANDA callers, the majority of people who reached out reported feeling better emotionally after speaking with someone—even those who had never sought mental health support before.
PANDA can help with: fertility-related stress, perinatal anxiety and depression, bonding concerns, birth trauma, relationship challenges, and grief after pregnancy loss.
Red Nose Australia – Grief and Loss Support
📞 1300 308 307
24/7 support, 365 days a year
Red Nose Grief and Loss provides specialised bereavement support for anyone affected by miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, medical termination, stillbirth, or infant loss. Their trained grief counsellors understand the unique, complex emotions that come with losing a baby or child. As Red Nose states in their support philosophy: "No one can 'solve' the problems of a person impacted by the sudden and unexpected death of a young child, but compassionate, informed support can help families navigate their grief."
Red Nose can help with: pregnancy and infant loss grief, miscarriage support, stillbirth bereavement, navigating loss during subsequent pregnancies, and connecting with peer support groups.
Beyond Blue
📞 1300 224 636
24/7 support
Beyond Blue provides mental health support for anxiety, depression, and suicide prevention. While not fertility-specific, their counsellors are trained to support people through a wide range of mental health challenges, including those related to life transitions, stress, and grief. Beyond Blue emphasises that "talking about what's going on makes a difference" and that you don't need to be in crisis to reach out.
Beyond Blue can help with: anxiety, depression, stress management, relationship concerns, and general mental health support during difficult life circumstances.
Finding additional professional support
If you're looking for ongoing counselling or psychological support, Australia has many psychologists and counsellors who specialise in fertility, perinatal mental health, and reproductive grief and loss. Organisations like the Australian and New Zealand Infertility Counsellors Association (ANZICA) and the Australian Psychological Society (APS) can help you find accredited professionals in your area.
Many fertility clinics also have counsellors on staff who provide free counselling sessions as part of IVF treatment cycles. Even if you're not undergoing fertility treatment, these practitioners often offer private consultations and understand the emotional complexities of the trying to conceive journey.
You deserve support, and so do the people who care about you
The fertility journey isn't always clear. Sometimes it's foggy, uncertain, and emotionally exhausting. You don't have to navigate it alone. Know that reaching out for professional mental health support is a sign of self-awareness and strength.
If you're struggling right now, we encourage you to call one of the services above. And if someone you care about is going through fertility challenges, pregnancy loss, or perinatal mental health difficulties, sharing these numbers with them might be exactly what they need. Sometimes the most caring thing we can do is recognise when we're not the expert support person in that moment, and connect the people we love with those who are.
You deserve clarity, compassion, and care. These services are here to provide exactly that.
With 💛
Fatima & Sara xx
Founders, bébé bloom
Resources:
PANDA: 1300 726 306 | panda.org.au
Red Nose Grief and Loss: 1300 308 307 | rednosegriefandloss.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 | beyondblue.org.au
If you're in crisis or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) or visit your nearest emergency department.
Important disclaimer: The information in this article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, suicidal thoughts, or need immediate support, please contact emergency services on 000, Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7), or visit your nearest emergency department. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals regarding your specific mental health needs.
